They are getting everyone to do what they can to get information from the game. They asked me to do it, so I feel as though I am not enough. I cried in the bathroom. The feelings were too overwhelming. The couple that seemed the least threatening or on their side is who I made friends with that day. I felt so alone.


All I heard about was their trip, and how was THEIR trip doing. I was the one that paid for the tickets to the trip. I signed up and waited for them to go on sale. I remember the pure excitement when I said I got in! Everything was set up for his birthday. Unfortunately, they probably planned on having "entertainment" there that was not the significant others.

I don’t know what to believe and I am having serious PTSD symptoms from all the trauma.


It makes me want to move again.


It makes me want to get away but I can't without my children.


I am here for them, I tell myself to remember that important point.


Everything makes me think of what I lost and I hate it.

And then I tell myself...

I am safe.

They don't control me anymore.

I don’t owe them anything.

I don’t owe them as much as I’ve given them.

I am going to be ok.

I am not in danger even though my flight or flight response tells my anxiety to soar.


I felt as though I haven't had a chance to move on since we see each other so often. What they did has changed me forever and I will never be the same.


God help me.

Direct my thinking.

They are sick and I need to remember that for forgiveness one day.